Curious About Counselling? What Actually Happens in Therapy?

“Isn't counselling just talking?”

It's a question counsellors hear quite often.

And, in one sense, yes — talking is an important part of counselling. But therapy is much more than simply sitting down and telling someone your problems while they listen.

If you've never had counselling before, you might wonder what actually happens in that room.

What are you supposed to talk about? Will the counsellor give you advice? Will they analyse you? What if you don't know what to say?

Perhaps you're even thinking, “I can talk to my friend about this. Why would I need a counsellor?”

These are all very reasonable questions.

So, what is counselling?

At its heart, counselling provides a space where you can slow down and explore your experiences with someone who is trained to listen, understand and help you make sense of what is happening.

Friends can be incredibly important. They know you, care about you and can offer comfort, perspective and sometimes a much-needed cup of tea.

But friendship and therapy are different.

A counsellor isn't there to tell you what they would do, reassure you that everything will be fine, or simply agree with you.

Instead, therapy offers a different kind of relationship — one where the focus is entirely on you.

It is a space where you can talk openly without needing to look after the other person's feelings, worry about being judged, or feel that you need to reassure them.

Sometimes, simply being listened to in this way can be surprisingly powerful.

What actually happens in a session?

There isn't a script.

You might arrive knowing exactly what you want to talk about. Or you might sit down and say:

“I don't really know where to start.”

That's okay.

We can start there.

Counselling might involve talking about something that has happened recently, exploring a relationship, understanding a particular emotion or noticing a pattern that keeps appearing in your life.

Sometimes something that seems small can open the door to something much bigger.

A counsellor may gently ask questions such as:

“What was that like for you?”

“What do you notice happening when that happens?”

“Have you experienced something similar before?”

“What do you need in that moment?”

These questions aren't about finding the “right” answer. They're invitations to become curious about yourself.

And it doesn't always have to involve talking

Although talking is an important part of counselling, therapy doesn't always have to mean finding the right words.

Sometimes words aren't enough.

Depending on the individual, their age, what they're exploring and what feels comfortable for them, there may be opportunities to work in more creative or experiential ways.

This could include drawing, writing, images, objects, cards, metaphors, visualisation or other creative activities.

For children and young people especially, creative ways of working can provide a natural way to communicate feelings and experiences that may be difficult to put into words.

But creative work isn't just for children.

For adults too, an image, a piece of writing or an object representing a feeling can sometimes help us approach something from a different perspective and open up a conversation that might otherwise feel difficult to access.

There is no expectation to be “good at” being creative.

And there is certainly no requirement to draw, write or make anything.

It's simply another possibility within the therapy room — if it feels useful and, importantly, if you're open to it.

The therapy is shaped around the individual rather than expecting the individual to fit a particular way of working.

Sometimes we talk.

Sometimes we might use something creative to explore what words cannot.

Sometimes we simply sit with something that feels difficult.

There is no single way that therapy has to look.

Counselling isn't about giving you advice

Another common misconception is that a counsellor will tell you what you should do.

If you tell a friend you're unhappy in your relationship, they might quite reasonably say:

“You need to leave.”

A counsellor might instead help you explore:

“What is making you unhappy?”

“What keeps you in the relationship?”

“What would you want to be different?”

“What are you afraid might happen if things changed?”

The aim isn't to make the decision for you.

It's to help you understand yourself well enough to make your own decisions.

A little bit of theory — without the jargon

There are many different approaches to counselling, and it can sometimes feel confusing when you see terms such as person-centred, CBT, psychodynamic or integrative.

My approach is primarily person-centred.

This means that I believe you are the expert on your own experience.

My role isn't to arrive with a list of answers. Instead, I aim to create the conditions where you can explore your experiences safely and begin to develop a deeper understanding of yourself.

Person-centred therapy is based on the belief that people have an innate capacity for growth and change when they experience the right conditions — particularly empathy, acceptance and genuineness within the therapeutic relationship.

That doesn't mean counselling is passive.

It doesn't mean I simply sit quietly while you talk.

It means that we work together, with curiosity and without judgement, exploring what is meaningful to you.

What if I don't know what I'm feeling?

You don't need to.

Sometimes people come to counselling knowing exactly what they feel.

Other times they say:

“I just feel wrong.”

“I'm angry all the time and I don't know why.”

“Everything is fine, so why am I struggling?”

“I don't know what I need.”

Part of counselling can be learning to recognise and understand those feelings.

Rather than immediately pushing them away, ignoring them or judging ourselves for having them, we can become curious about what they might be telling us.

Counselling isn't only for when things go wrong

This is something I feel particularly strongly about.

You don't have to be falling apart to have counselling.

Counselling can be part of looking after your mental wellbeing — just as we might take time to look after our physical health.

It can be about exploring what is working in your life as well as what isn't.

You might become curious about:

• What helps me feel like myself?

• Why do certain situations affect me so strongly?

• What patterns keep appearing in my relationships?

• What do I need more of?

• What do I want to change?

• How can I understand myself better?

Sometimes we don't need someone to tell us what's wrong.

We need somewhere safe to slow down enough to hear ourselves.

So, is counselling just talking?

Yes — but it's talking with purpose, curiosity and professional support.

It's having the opportunity to explore thoughts and feelings that you might normally push aside.

It's noticing patterns.

It's making connections.

It's being heard without having to perform, explain everything perfectly or look after somebody else.

And it can involve much more than words when that feels helpful.

There may be talking, silence, reflection, creativity, questions, tears, laughter or simply a moment to breathe.

There is no one way therapy has to look.

What matters is finding a way of working that feels right for you.

You don't need to know exactly what you need from counselling before you begin.

You can simply be curious.

And sometimes, that is a very good place to start.

Therapy with Michele

If you've been wondering whether counselling might be right for you, you don't have to make a big commitment to find out.

A first conversation can simply be an opportunity to ask questions, talk about what's brought you to counselling and see whether it feels like the right fit.

You don't have to have all the answers before you reach out.

Sometimes the first step is simply having a conversation